Saturday, November 3, 2007

Actual Medical Chart Notes

- Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

- Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

- On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared.

- The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

- The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

- Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.

- Healthy-appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

- The patient refused autopsy.

- The patient has no previous history of suicides.

- Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

- Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the last three days.

- Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

- Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

- She is numb from her toes down.

- While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

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