Sunday, September 27, 2009

21 Things To Remember

* No one can ruin your day without YOUR permission.
* Most people will be about as happy, as they decide to be
* Others can stop you temporarily, but only you can do it permanently.
* Whatever you are willing to put up with, is exactly what you will have.
* Success stops when you do.
* When your ship comes in.... make sure you are willing to unload it.
* You will never have it all together.
* Life is a journey...not a destination. Enjoy the trip!
* The biggest lie on the planet When I get what I want I will be happy.
* The best way to escape your problem is to solve it.
* I've learned that ultimately , 'takers' lose and 'givers' win.
* Life's precious moments don't have value, unless they are shared.
* If you don't start, it's certain you won't arrive.
* We often fear the thing we want the most.
* He or she who laughs......lasts.
* Yesterday was the deadline for all complaints.
* Look for opportunities..not guarantees.
* Life is what's coming....not what was.
* Success is getting up one more time.
* Now is the most interesting time of all.
* When things go wrong.....don't go with them.


Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and
runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
the next-door neighbour..
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800
to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops
her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, aftera few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and
goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband
asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything
about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time,you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her
gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly hadan accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid
his hand up her leg...
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing
gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember
Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh
is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed
to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek,further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the
manager are walking to lunch when they findan antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want
to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, withouta care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to
be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with mypersonal masseuse, an endless supply of PinaColadas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the
office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting,
doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him,
'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the
eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must
be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of
that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and
found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung,
he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was
proudly perched at the top of the tree..
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who
shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:

Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it
won't keep you there..
Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by
and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow
dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lays there all warm and happy, and soon
began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and
came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered
the bird under the pile of cow dung, and

promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Funny cell Phone Forwards

  • Law Professor: Which is the most important LAW of Finance for Starting a New Business?
    Student: Father-in-Law!

  • Girl announced her engagement to her father.
    Father: Does this fellow has any money?
    Girl: Oh! Dad, U men r all alike, thats exactly what he asked me about u!

  • Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did.

  • True relatives always stand behind u during bad times. Check ur marriage album. All ur relatives were standing behind u!

  • Telling a lie is a fault for a little boy, an art for a lover, an accomplishment for a bachelor and a Matter of Survival for a married man. Gud Luck!

  • U luv sumone... u marry sumone else. The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband & the one u loved becomes the password of your emai id...!

  • Wife: I Have Changed My Mind.
    Husband: Thank God ! Does The New One Work Now?