☻Lights on, door open, nobody at home
☻As confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.
☻He's as bent as a butchers hook
☻He's as happy as a Pig in $hit
☻About as welcome as a fart in a telephone box
☻About as subtle as a flying brick
☻She's got more wrinkles than an Elephants scrotum
☻She's more nervous than a long-tailed dog in a room full of rocking chairs
☻As tight as a Camels arse in a Sand-storm
☻She's stroked more wood than a Furniture Polisher.
☻About as interesting as watching paint dry
☻Av seen better looking bodies at a scrapyard
☻I've seen better hands on a clock
☻As confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market
☻He's as baffled as Adam on Mothers Day
☻She's got half the Black Forest hanging out of her armpits
☻As nervous as a turkey at Christmas
☻She's seen more ceilings than Michelagelo
☻She ran off quicker than shit off a shovel
☻She's as fit as a butchers dog
☻She's got a face squeezed like a squeezed tea bag
☻As useful as a one armed trapeze artist with an itchy arse
☻His nose is snottier than a frog in a blender
☻Uglier than a hatfull of assholes.
☻As rare as a brass monkey's bollocks
☻As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner
☻This guy is all foam, no beer.
☻As worn out as a cucumber in a convent.
☻About as useless as a jam sandwidch to a drowning rabbit.
☻A legend in his own mind...
☻He's an expert on padded cells.