☻As much use as a one legged man at an arse kicking competition
☻She's angrier than a Bear with a sore head
☻She's dressed up like a Dogs dinner
☻About as useful as a Condom vending machine in the Vatican.
☻He's that useless he couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery
☻She's been up and down more times than a whore's drawers
☻She's been engaged more times than a telephone switchboard!
☻He's tighter than a photo finish.
☻He's sweating more than a Dog in a restaraunt
☻He's got a head balder than a baby's arse.
☻He's got the dress sense of an Oxfam model.
☻He's got a nose like a blind carpenter's thumb.
☻Last time I saw a face like that it was hanging at the Hunter's Lodge.
☻As much use as a trap door on a lifeboat
☻It's colder than a penguin's bollocks
☻She's got a face like a picture - it needs hanging
☻You've got about as much chance as finding a vegetarian pit bull terrier
☻She's had more pricks than a second hand dartboard
☻As rare as a Blonde virgin
☻I've seen more hair on a billiard ball
☻He's as camp as a row of tents
☻I've seen better teeth on a worn out gear box
☻They call her 'The radio station' cuz she's so easy to pick up
☻As useful as a grave robber in a crematorium
☻You could park a bike on that bum
☻He's as red as an overdrawn account at the local blood bank
☻He's got a face as long as an undertakers tapemeasure
☻Whiter than a pair of Snow White's knickers
☻About as innocent as a Nun doing pressups in a Cucumber field.
☻They've got a picture of her at the hospital - it saves using the stomach pump