Funny Wedding Quotes

• My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn’t. – Unknown
• I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. – David Bissonette
• The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once. - H.V. Prochnow
• My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield
• Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t they’d be married too. - H.L. Mencken
• A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
• I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield
• Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck
• A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. - Grace Hansen
• I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard
• Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for ninety-nine years, or until death do them join. - Elbert Hubbard
• There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage. - James Holt McGavran
• All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble. - Raymond Hull
• The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx
• When a man opens the car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip
• A husband’s last words should always be, OK buy it. - Unknown
• When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one. - Helen Rowland
• Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. - G. K. Chesterton
• There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage. - James Holt McGavran
• I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner
• Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up. - Evelyn Hendrickson
• Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. - Billy Connolly
• An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie
• Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married? - Barbra Streisand
• The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him. - Oscar Wilde
• Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. -Unknown
• The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Henny Youngman
• I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. - Max Kauffmann