A cow in Thailand gave birth to this alien form
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Area 51
By now, everyone has heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-
security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area
51." Late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51
were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret"
base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the
pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and
spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The
Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and
held him overnight during the investigation.
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot
really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane,
gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing,
complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison,
told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading,
and sent him on his way.
The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same
Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the
plane . . . only this time there were two people in the plane.
The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to
me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where
I was last night!"
50 Ways to Confuse People in the Computer Lab
50 Ways to Confuse, Worry, or Just Scare the Bejeezus Out of the People
in the Computer Lab
1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and
scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop
and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on
duty that you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's turned
it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a
good half hour.
4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to
you evilly.
5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to
different screen than the one it's set up with.
6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it
at the highest volume possible over & over again.
7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by
something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into
top-secret Pentagon files.
9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.
10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn
it on.
11. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have
it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
12. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes
at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.
13. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if
they're crazy while typing.
14. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before
starting.
15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until
someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, "Oops, I
forgot."
16. Every time you press Return and there is processing time
required, pray
"Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it
finishes.
17. "DISK FIGHT!!!"
18. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you
(It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new
friends).
19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets.
Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
20. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The
Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
21. Draw a picture of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape
it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then
complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.
22. Try to stick a Ninetendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disc drive,
when it doesn't work, get the supervisor.
23. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly
where the smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.
24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all
done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisily. After
doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to
you.
26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person
next to you. Grinds some more. Repeat procedure, making sure you never
provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension,
and it is far more effective to let them linger.
27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split
ends, cut them and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you
leave.
28. Put a large, gold framed portrait of the British Royal Family
on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
29. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes
and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and
drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic
beauty of cotton on plastic.
30. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your
paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the
bad working conditions.
31. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!"
and continue working.
32. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is
smoking.
33. Assign a musical note to every key (i.e.. the Delete key is A
Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note
loudly. Write an entire paper this way.
34. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
35. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse
me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking
it.
36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that
sometimes the old ways are best.
38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
39. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again
until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar
so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard.
Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you
do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and
resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until
you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly
exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole
time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and
leave.
40. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab
monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special
effects, put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that
the computer is drooling.)
41. Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really
puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep
laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
42. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making
elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse,
then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the
table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this
time," and calmly start to type again.
43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
44. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk
to them like you've known them all your lives. Hang-up before they get
a chance to figure out you're a total stranger.
45. Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound
effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.
46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that
the lead doesn't work.
47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of
flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh
happily, exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen. Repeat
this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the
keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and
walk out.
48. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!",
then calmly sit down and begin to type.
49. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker
chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and
say, "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for
the next week".
50. Two words: Tesla Coil.
101 FUN THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them
and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals
throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get
to join in.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the
spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW,
especially thin narrow aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I
think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what
happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off
and turn the volumes to "10".
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen
you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid
embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask
yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk,
anyway?"
15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're
taking it for a "test drive."
17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about
five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the
department.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store
as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look
mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
20. Put M&M's on layaway.
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll
only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from
the other aisles.
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around
saying,"...I'm Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!"
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello"
upside down.
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask,
"Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired
employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any
Shnerples here?"
31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale
battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
32. Take bets on the battle described above.
33. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
"Mission: Impossible."
35. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while
squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him " I
need some tampons!!"
36. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.
37. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to
your Twinkies?"
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: "Marco Polo."
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet
food aisle, etc.
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
45. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the
restrooms
46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at
something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker,
assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those
voices again!"
49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and
relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain
that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little
umbrella in it.
51. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice
possible "sex and candy"
52. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your
head and walk around the store casually.
53. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the
mannequins.
54. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
55. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run
between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror
while you pick your nose.
57. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes.
(Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)
58. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly
ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act
as spastic as possible.
59. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and
women's signs on the doors of the rest room.
60. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch
everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.
61. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with
various funnels.
62. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse
through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare
them into believing that the clothes are talking to them
63. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you
and get into a very serious conversation. Ex: The person is
breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you
do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was
another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME
darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto
the ground screaming and having convulsions.
64. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people
out.
65. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and
begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good bessie."
66. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of
shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the
boxes and throw it in various aisles.
67. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
68. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every
perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another
girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way.
"hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy
shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way.
"hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)."
69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples
carts when they don't realize it!
70. Walk around the perfume department with a bottle of
super strong perfume and spray people as they walk by. Lean
in and sniff them then jump back and wave your hand in front
of your nose and saying "Oh god, your over powering the
perfume!!"
71. Hit on the elderly.
72. Hit on 5 year olds.
73. In the food aisle, pretend like there's a little bug, slowly
move your head to the right, then swing your head to the left
as if your trying to follow it. Slowly lower your head to the
ground, then start spinning around in circles stomping like
crazy. Then finally yell out "Yes!!! I got it!!! Wow, that was
the biggest Cockrouch I've ever seen, i think it was pregnant!!!
Hey look, there's another one!!!" Then Repeat.
74. Repeat 73 with a can of bug spray.
75. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that your a cat.
Meow when people walk by, rub up against their legs, etc.
76. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a
prissy English Man. Say things like "Cheerio, good man." to
people who walk by. And don't forget to have perfect posture.
77. Start grunting like Beavis and Butthead while chasing your
friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those
electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they
don't know you.
78. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for
toddlers. Fit the character; if your on a hoarse, then pretend
that your a cowboy, etc.. And If a little kid comes over
wanting to use it, start barking at them until
they run away crying.
79. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind
customers and "accidentally" hit the people instead of your
friend.
80. Excesively use anything thing that says "Try Me".
81. Start pocketing any and all free samples.
82. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.
82. Walk up to the customer service and when they say
"Hello, how may I help you?" say "Yes, I'll have a Quarter
Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of
french fries and a diet coke." And when they start to talk, say
"Oh, to go". Then when they say that they can't give it to you
say "Oh, This is because I'm gay isn't it? I'd expect this from
Caldors, but not Walmart. People who are gay are just like
everyone else your know. You digust me" Then walk away
mumbling to yourself. If your a guy, try to act as valley- girl-
like as you can
83. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people
asking where the rash cream is because your family and all
your friends seem to have a rash too.
84. When your alone, have loud conversations with your
"multiple personalities". Have an English man, a Southern
person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old
girl all at the same time. You have to use accents. They should
sound like this: "Great idea good fellow, we shall have a jolly
good time.(English)" "Look, oall I wanna do, is wok ta
Stawbucks and git a cawfee(New York)" Etc.
85. Start "dancing" like mad. Basically, just wail your arms
and legs around like your having some kind of massive
seizure.
86. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the
store.
87. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to
leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your
walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to
go off. Then when it doesn't go off, let out a big sigh. Then
quickly look around you to see who's watching and run away
as fast as your can.
88. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger,
your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while
singing the circus song.
89. Put jockstraps in the lingerie department
90. Put lingerie in the men's department.
91. Put super sexy lingerie in old men's carts when they turn
around.
92. When your alone, start screaming help and yelling that
someone istrying to rape you. Then when everyone runs over,
start crying and saying "All I ever wanted was a little
attention" Then run away crying.
93. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while,
start saying blink everytime it blinks. Don't look away, just
stay mesmerized.
94. Walk up to a lady and calmly say "Help me. The voices in
my head are telling me to do naughty things." Then clap your
hands over your ears, fly yell head around and start screaming
"NO!!! I DON'T WANT TO HURT THE NICE LADY NO
NO NO NO!!!!" Then suddenly stop, look her straight in the
eyes, and Calmly say "I...will start...a fire..." The pull out a
zippo and start laughing hysterically in an evil way. But don't
light the zippo, just hold it closed.
95. Light a match under a spinkler.
96. Walk up to someone and say "Oh, so your back for more. I
warned you never to come back here. Wait here while i go get
my shot gun". Then walk away.
97. Walk up to a guy and say "Oh my god, is it you? Oh my
god it is!!! I haven't seen you in so long!!!!" Then kiss him.
Then slap and him say "Why didn't you ever call me??" Then
walk away. Much more affective if you're a guy.
98. Stand next to a maniquin and pretend that your a
mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as
possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your
watch and say. "Finally, my shift is done. I really don't get
paid enough to do this"
99. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.
100. Act like your about to cry and ask people "Have you seen
my mommy?"
101. Steal a Walmart shirt. The possibilities are endless.
BONUS* Attempt all of the above during the same visit.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Time for Some Campaignin'
Parody of Bob Dylan's
Come Gathr round people
wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone
If your time to you is worth savin'.
Then you better start swimmin'
or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin.'
~ Bob Dylan
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Those Golden Days
How did one survive growing up in the 70's, 80's and 90's?
We had no seatbelts, no airbags and sitting in the back of a truck was a treat…
Our baby prams had the most gorgeous lead based colours…
No such thing as tamper proof bottle tops…
Opening kitchen cupboards was a breeze… as safety locks were unheard off…
Cycling was like a breath of fresh air…
No safety helmets, knee pads or elbow pads, with plenty of cardboards between spokes to make it sound like a motorbike…
When thirsty we only drank tap water, bottled water was still a mystery…
We kept busy collecting bits & pieces so we could build all sort of things … and we were fearless on our bikes even when the brakes failed going downhill…
We were showing off how tough we are, by how high we could climb trees & then jumping down….It was great fun….
We could stay out to play for hours, as long as we got back before dark, in time for dinner…
We walked to school, or sometimes we even rode our bike.
We had no mobile phones, but we always managed to find each other….
How? No one knows…
We lost teeth, broke arms & legs, we got cuts and bruises and bloody noses…. nobody complained as we had so much fun, it wasn't anybody's fault, only ours
We ate everything in sight, cakes, bread, chocolate, ice-cream, sweet sugary drinks, yet, we stayed skinny by fooling around.
And if one of us was lucky to find a 1 litre coca cola bottle we all had a swag from it & guess what? Nobody picked up any germs...
We did not have Play Stations, MP3, Nintendo's, I-Pods, Video games, 99 Cable TV channels, DVD's, Home Cinema, Mobile phones, Home Computers, Laptops, Chat-rooms, Internet, etc ... BUT, we had REAL FRIENDS!!!!
We called on friends to come out to play, never rang the doorbell, just went around the back…
We loved being let loose in the big bad world…without bodyguards…
We played with sticks and stones, played cowboys and Indians, doctors and nurses, hide and seek, soccer games, over and over again…
When we failed our exams we were given a second chance by simply repeating the same grade…without visiting psychiatrists, psychologists or counselors…
Such were the days…
We had freedom, success, disappointments and responsibilities. ..
Most of all, we learned to respect others…
Are YOU from that generation?? If that's the case, email this to all your friends from the same era…
Maybe this message will help them forget the stress that surrounds us these days….and just for a few moments puts a smile to their faces as they remember what life was really like in the good old days……
HAVE A SUPER DAY! with Golden Days Value!!!!!!!!!!!
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