Crossing the Language Barrier

Read This Out Loud!!!

I dare you to try!

To get the full effect, this should be read aloud. You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation. This has been nominated for the best email of 2005.

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published.

Room Service (RS) : "Morrin. ; Roon sirbees."

Guest (G) : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

RS : "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor
sunteen??"

G : "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."

RS : "Ow July den?"

G : "What??"

RS : "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"

G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."

RS : "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

G : "Crisp will be fine."

RS : "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

G : "What?"

RS : "An toes. July Sahn toes?"

G : "I don't think so."

RS : "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"

G : "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RS : "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

G : "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS : "We bodder?"

G : "No...just put the bodder on the side."

RS : "Wad! ?"

G : "I mean butter...just put it on the side."

RS : "Copy?"

G : "Excuse me?"

RS : "Copy...tea...meel?"

G : "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."

RS : "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy.... rye??"

G : "Whatever you say."

RS : "Tenjewberrymuds."

G : "You're very welcome."

Cell Phones are Evil

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Animals that even a veggie doesn't mind eating

Darling...Go Ahead....!!!!

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.
A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free
speaker-function and begins to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello."

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I am at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's
only £1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006
models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "£45,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price, I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .....the house I wanted last year is
back on the market. They're asking £450,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of £400,000. They will
probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It is really a
pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in
astonishment, mouths agape.....

Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know's who this phone belongs to?"

One Seater Open Helicopter

And Oh that's a deadlock...

Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad,
so make arrangement.

Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss and
I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.

Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is going
abroad for a week, so lets spend the week together.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving
private tution: I have work for a week, so you need
not come for class.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a
week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Lets
spend the week together.

Grandpa(the 1st boss ;) ) make call to his secretary: This week I am
spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend
that meeting.

Secretary make call to her husband: This week my boss
has some work, we cancelled our trip.

Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spend
this week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving
private tution: This week we will have class as usual.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my
teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I
can't give you company.

Grandpa make call to his secretary: Don't worry this
week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement .

This is called dead lock.

Watch out: Cats on the Prowl

Men Vs Women

- A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he needs.

- A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item that she does not need.

- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

- A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

- A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

- To be happy with a man, you must love him a little and understand him a lot.

- To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

- Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

- Women somehow deteriorate overnight.

- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

- A man marries a woman expecting she won't change, but she does.

- Married men live longer than single men, but married men are more willing to die.

- Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

- A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

Curiosity killed the cat

Should have worn his Gas Mask :P

Tropical Islands of Fiji

The Republic of the Fiji Islands, or Fiji, is an island nation in the South Pacific Ocean, east of Vanuatu, west of Tonga and south of Tuvalu. The country occupies an archipelago with two sizable islands, Viti Levu and Vanua Levu, where the majority of inhabitants live, and is joined by over eight hundred islands, with about one hundred regularly inhabited. The name Fiji is the old Tongan word for the islands, which is turn derived from the Fijian name Viti.



Fiji consists of 322 islands, of which about one third are inhabited. The two most important islands are Viti Levu and Vanua Levu. Viti Levu hosts the capital city of Suva, and is home to nearly three quarters of the population. The islands are mountainous, with peaks up to 1200 m, and covered with tropical forests. Other important towns include Nadi, (location of the international airport) as well as Labasa, Lautoka, and Savusavu. Other islands and island groups include Taveuni and Kadavu (the third and fourth largest islands respectively, the Mamanuca Group (just outside Nadi) and Yasawa Group, which are popular tourist destinations, the Lomaiviti Group, outside of Suva, and the remote Lau Group.

Birth of a sea Turtle

Beer Cans Art

An Irish man

An Irishman applied for a job on a construction site, but the foreman wouldn't hire him until he passed a simple maths test.
Here is your first question, the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" The Irishman says, "Dat is easy," and proceeded to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asked.
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," said the Irishman.

"Fair enough," said the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Irishman stared into space for a while, then picked up the picture that he has just drawn and made a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."
The boss scratched his head and said, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."
The boss was getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Irishman, so he said, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."
The Irishman stared into space some more, then he picked up the picture again and made a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."
The boss looked at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"
The Irishman leaned forward and pointed to the marks at the base of each tree and said, "A little dog came along and crapped by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred."

"So, when do I start?"

Dust Artist

2008 Dodge ZEO Concept

Misplaced Ads

Can You Figure These Out?

1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years.

Which room is safest for him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for Over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go
out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?

4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out.

DON'T PEEK...

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ANSWERS:

1. The third. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.

2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it and hung it up to dry.

3. Charcoal

4. Sure you can: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!

5. The letter "e," which is the most common letter in the English language, does not appear once in the long paragraph

Innovative Ads

Men's Restroom "FUNNY, FUNNY!!!!!!"

Read before looking at picture

Edge Designs is an all-women run company that designs interior office space. They had a

recent opportunity to do an office project in NYC.

The client allowed the women of this

company a free hand in all design aspects.

The client was a company that was also r

un by all women execs.............

The result....well.....

We all know that men never talk,

never look at each other....
And never laugh much in the restroom....
The men's room is a serious and quiet place...
But now...with the addition of one moral on the wall......

lets just say the men's restroom is a place of laughter and smiles.

Hmmm!!! THAT MAKES SENSE

1. If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry!
Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!



2. Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like
expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian.

Think about it.



3. Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear,
but what we are inside

. So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!



4. Don't walk as if you rule the world,
walk as if you don't care who rules the world!

That's called Attitude…! Keep on rocking!



5. Every lady hopes

that her daughter will marry a better man than she did
and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!



6. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank had no affair.
When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.
They said

, he who never lived, cannot die!



7. A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?
He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!



8. So many options for suicide:
Poison, sleeping pills, hanging,
jumping from a building, lying on train tracks,

but we chose Marriage, slow sure!



9. Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!



10. All desirable things in life are either
illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!


11. 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving.
Which makes it a logical statement that
90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!

Jackie Chan with his Son

The Best error ever seen....

Innocent Questions

1) NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.

She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

***********


2) OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.

The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

***********


3) KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.

During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

***********


4) MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.

When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.

The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

***********


5) POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform,

she asked, "Are you a cop?" Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right? "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

***********


6) POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment,

my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said," What'd he do?"

***********


7) ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.

One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

***********


8) DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."

"And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

***********


9) DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.

Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting , then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he gooooes."

***********


10) SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother .. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

***********


11) BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.

Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. ; ; "What have you got there, dear?"

With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's
underwear."

The Corporate language !!

"We will do it"
means
" You will do it"


"You have done a great job"
means
"More work to be given to you"


"We are working on it"
means
"We have not yet started working on the same"


"Tomorrow first thing in the morning"
means
"Its not getting done...
At least not tomorrow !".


"After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views"
means
"I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"


"There was a slight miscommunication"
means
"We had actually lied"


"Lets call a meeting and discuss"
means
"I have no time now, will talk later"


"We can always do it"
means
"We actually cannot do the same on time"


"We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline"
means
"The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."


"We had slight differences of opinion"
means
"We had actually fought"


"Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you"
means
"Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"


"You should have told me earlier"
means
"Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"


"We need to find out the real reason"
means
"Well I will tell you where your fault is"


"Well... family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected"
means
"Well you know..."


"We are a team"
means
"I am not the only one to be blamed"


"That's actually a good question"
means
"I do not know anything about it"


"All the Best"
means
" You are in trouble"

Aligator in a Refinery

Aligator wedged between Refinery pipes






Pipe Removed by workers

HOW JAPANESE TAKE PICTURES

Laser Show

Zodiac Jewellery

Tom and the birdie