BASED ON YOUR SUNSIGNS YOUR EXPECTED BEHAVIOUR AFTER YOU GET DRUNK !!
ARIES : Drinking style Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometime sdon't know when to call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them prone to closing-time shot contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and they get mighty flirty after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk I sa good way to get what you want out of them, should other methods fail. Aries can become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume that whatever happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be counted on to do the same for you -- so long as you haven't gone and done anything really horrible to them last night, you sneaky Gemini.
TAURUS Drinking style Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming for a mellow glow rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated Taurus is a one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers, the preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say that the Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- god, no.. A squiffy Taurus will get, er, gregarious (full of loud mouth soup, some would say) and is extremely amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.
GEMINI Drinking style Gemini's can drink without changing their behavior much-- they're so naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that it's just hard to tell sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with finesse and allusion, then doing something to belie an extremely advanced state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Gemini's possess the magic ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very tricky) with several people at once. They like to order different cocktails every round -- repetition is boring -- and may create a theme (like yellow drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement.
CANCER Drinking style Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra wine with dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra comforting, can't it, Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must guard against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret parties and insinuating themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true Hollywood style, Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and emotional" (read: weepy when lubricated). But there's nothing better than swapping stories (and spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine with your favorite Cancer. Even your second-favorite Cancer will do. The sign also rules the flavor vanilla, and you'd be adored if you served up a vanilla vodka and soda.
LEO Drinking style Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often fabulous dancers, and usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their commanding dignity and turning kittenish. Of course, they're quite aware that they're the darling --Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know their limit, probably because they loathe losing self-control. When they get over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with the one who they were with :-) But Leo's not the type to break rules even when drunk, so just try to ignore it (try harder, Cancer) and expect a sheepish (and hung over) Lion to make it up to you the next day.
VIRGO Drinking style Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order onto their bender. Their famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less than other signs, sure --but it could also lead to drinking booze neat, to sucking down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They rarely get fully shellacked -- but, oh, when they do! Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there's an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when walloped. It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low-level of intelligence tonight." A toast to the sub genius IQ!
LIBRA Drinking style "I'm jusht a social drinker," slurs Libra, "it's jusht that I'm so damn social?" Libra loves nothing more than to party, mingle and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (with Insta-Frienddevice set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra side (they are little instigators when bored), the Scales can really work a room. Charming as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control, however, which can get them into all sorts of trouble --including wearing their wobbly boots waaaay too early in the evening, flirting with every man/woman in the roomor even blacking out the night's events entirely. Oops!
SCORPIO Drinking style Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for they'll smirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till they're hog-whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to drink, and screw you if you have a problem with that. Most of them seethe sauce as something to savor in itself, and not asa personality-altering tool -- though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps seek total obliteration. But generally, they're fascinating drinking pals, brilliant conversationalists and dizzying flirts. They also remember everything -- especially what you did when you were blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.
SAGITTARIUS Drinking style In vino veritas -- and, for Sagittarius, in booze blurtiness: When buttered, they'll spill all your secrets and many of their own. Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with. This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from the sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith?). They're the people who chat up everyone in the room, then persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub, or a playground, or Cancun . Good-natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a high possibility of loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).
CAPRICORN Drinking style Capricorn is usually described as practical, steadfast, money-hungry and status-thirsty -- no wonder they get left off the astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David Bowie and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock star: independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to please. And if they make money being themselves, who're you to quibble? But just like most rock stars, they're either totally on or totally off, and they generally need a little social lubricant to loosen up and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hookup with a cute groupie.
AQUARIUS Drinking style Aquarius and drinking don't go together that well(except for water, that is). They have an innate tendency toward know-it-allism, and if they get an idea while sizzled, they're more stubborn than a stain or a stone. If they're throwing a party or organizing an outing, however, they're too preoccupied with their duties to get combative -- and they make perfectly charming drunks in that case. Fortunately, they're usually capital drink-nursers. They also make the best designated drivers (if you can get them before they start raising their wrist):Aquarius is fascinated by drunk people and capable of holding interesting conversations with soused strangers while sober.
PISCES Drinking style If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard that you share a sign and an addictive personality --with Liz Taylor, Lisa Minnelli and Kurt Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the dreamy, out-there feeling that only hooch can give, but they build up a mighty tolerance fast. Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other hand, they're fabulously enchanting partners, whether in conversation or in crime. With the right Pisces, you can start out sharing a pitcher of margaritas and windup in bed together for days. The phrase "addictive personality" can be read two ways, you know. ...
Friday, November 30, 2007
Alchoroscope
Lighter side of Poems
Monkeys like you should be kept in the zoo.
Don't feel so angry, you will find me there too
Not in a cage but laughing at you.
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Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.
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The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?
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I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
then ~ I wrote your name on my heart And I got a heart attack straight away
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God saw me hungry, HE created pizza.
HE saw me thirsty, HE created Pepsi
HE saw me in dark, HE created light
HE saw me without problems, HE created YOU.
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Air Museum
I recently took my 5 kids to the Naval Air Museum in Pensacola Florida (a great museum and free admission). They have one room that is full of real cockpits for the kids to sit in.
I lifted my 4 yr old daughter into one cockpit that had side by side seating for the pilot and co-pilot.
When my daughter got in she said "Good - this one's two player!"
A Feat of Strength
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.
After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man," the young guy replied.
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then he turned to the young man and said, "Alright. Get in."
World's Easiest Quiz
Passing requires 5 correct awnsers.
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get catgut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What colour is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
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ANSWERS TO THE QUiZ:
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
Ans: 116 years
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
Ans: Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
Ans: Sheep and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
Ans: November
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
Ans: Squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
Ans: Dogs
7) What was King George VI's first name?
Ans: Albert
8) What color is a purple finch?
Ans: Crimson
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
Ans: New Zealand
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
Ans: Orange, of course.
This is one of the coolest mails on software industry
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the
strongest man around that they offered a Rs 10,000
bet. The bartender would squeeze a
lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand
the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one
more drop of juice out would win the money. Many
people like weight-lifters, wrestlers, body
builders, etc had tried over time, but nobody could
do it.
One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing
thick glasses and a safari suit, and said in a tiny,
squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the
laughter had died down, the bartender said OK,
grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the
wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence
as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and
5-6 drops fell into the glass. As the
crowd cheered, the bartender paid the Rs 10,000, and
asked the little man, "What do you do for a living?
Are you a weight-lifter, or what?"
"No," replied the man.
"I work as a project manager in a software company !! "
Yet another Blonde Joke
Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far, $500,000 and one lifeline left--phone a friend. The next question will give you the first ever million dollars if you get it right.... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000...are you ready?"
Barbara: "Sure I'll have a go."
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build its own nest? Is it...
A-Robin, B-Sparrow, C-Cuckoo or D-Thrush
Remember, Barbara, it's worth 1 million dollars."
Barbara: "Oh, gees, that's simple.... it’s a cuckoo."
Regis: "You're sure? You can stick on $500,000 or play on for the million."
Barbara: "I want to play; I'll go with C-Cuckoo."
Regis: "Is that your final answer?"
Barbara: "It is"
Regis: "Are you confident?"
Barbara: "Absolutely"
Regis: "Barbara, you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo. Well....you're right! You have just won 1 MILLION DOLLARS!!!! Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."
That night Barbara calls her friend Carol and they go to a local bar for a celebration drink.
As they are sipping champagne, Carol turns to Barbara and asks, "Tell me, how in God's name did you know that it was the cuckoo that does not build its own nest?"
"Get real!"
Barbara replies, "Everybody knows cuckoos live in clocks!"
Ten Commandments
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Interesting answer...Stock market buffs - Dont miss this :)
A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York . My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden ( ? ) , $250k annual income is not enough.
I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
Ms. Pretty
Here's a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:
Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.
By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term – same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me...
Monday, November 26, 2007
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Funny Pictures

To think they took a rocket to get there ... it would have been so much easier by rail!

If you cross this line ... you will be sorry!
OK girls, just follow me ... I won't let anything happen to you
That was the funniest joke I ever heard ...

Look me in the eye & believe me when I say, I did not eat that mouse ...

Who us? We've been in the bed of the truck the whole time ..

Okay, now on three, say acorn ...
Planets Weirdest Animals
The Emperor Tamarin (Saguinus imperator) is a tamarin allegedly named for its similarity with the German emperor Wilhelm II. The name was first intended as a joke, but has become the official scientific name.This tamarin lives in the southwest Amazon Basin , in east Peru , north Bolivia and in the west Brazilian states of Acre and Amazonas.
The fur of the Emperor Tamarin is predominantly grey colored, with yellowish speckles on its chest. The hands and feet are black and the tail is brown. Outstanding is its long, white mustache, which extends to both sides beyond the shoulders. The animal reaches a length of 24 to 26 cm, plus a 35 cm long tail. It weighs approximately 300 to 400 g.
This primate inhabits tropical rain forests, living deep in the forest and also in open tree-covered areas. It is a diurnal animal, spending the majority of its days in the trees with quick, safe movements and broad jumps among the limbs.
Sun Bear
The Sun Bear (Helarctos malayanus) is a bear found primarily in the tropical rain forests of Southeast Asia .The Sun Bear stands approximately 4 ft (1.2 m) in length, making it the smallest member in the bear family. It is often called the dog bear because of its small stature. It has a 2 in (5 cm) tail and on average weighs less than 145 lb (65 kg). Males tend to be slightly larger than females.
Unlike other bears, the Sun Bear's fur is short and sleek. This adaptation is probably due to the lowland climates it inhabits. Dark black or brown-black fur covers its body, except on the chest where there is a pale orange-yellow marking in the shape of a horseshoe. Similar colored fur can be found around the muzzle and the eyes. This distinct marking gives the sun bear its name.
Komondor Dog
Females are 27 inches (69cm) at the withers. Male Komondorok are a minimum of 28 inches at the withers, but many are over 30 inches tall, making this one of the larger common breeds of dog. The body is not overly coarse or heavy, however, and people unfamiliar with the breed are often surprised by how quick and agile the dogs are.Its long, thick, strikingly corded white coat (the heaviest amount of fur in the canine world) resembles dreadlocks or a mop. The puppy coat is soft and fluffy. However, the coat is wavy and tends to curl as the puppy matures. A fully mature coat is formed naturally from the soft undercoat and the coarser outer coat combining to form tassels, or cords. Some help is needed in separating the cords so the dog does not turn into one large matted mess. The length of the cords increases with time as the coat grows. Shedding is very minimal with this breed, contrary to what one might think (once cords are fully formed). The only substantial shedding occurs as a puppy before the dreadlocks fully form. The Komondor is born with only a white coat, unlike the similar-looking Puli, which is usually white, black or sometimes grayish. However, a working Komondor's coat may be discolored by the elements, and may appear off-white if not washed regularly.
Angora Rabbit
The Angora rabbit is a variety of domestic rabbit bred for its long, soft hair. The Angora is one of the oldest types of domestic rabbit, originating in Ankara , Turkey , along with the Angora cat and Angora goat. The rabbits were popular pets with French royalty in the mid 1700s, and spread to other parts of Europe by the end of the century. They first appeared in the United States in the early 1900s. They are bred largely for their long wool, which may be removed by shearing or plucking (gently pulling loose wool).There are many individual breeds of Angora rabbits, four of which are ARBA recognized. Such breeds include, French, German, Giant, English, Satin, Chinese, Swiss, Finnish, to name a few.
Red Panda
The Red Panda, Ailurus fulgens ("shining cat," from a Latinized form of the Greek, ailouros, "cat," and the participial form of the Latin fulgere, "to shine") is a mostly herbivorous mammal, slightly larger than a domestic cat (55 cm long). The Red Panda has semi-retractile claws and, like the Giant Panda, has a "false thumb" which is really an extension of the wrist bone. Thick fur on the soles of the feet offers protection from cold and hides scent glands. The Red Panda is native to the Himalayas in Nepal and southern China . The word panda is derived from Nepalese word "ponya" which means bamboo and plants eating animals in Nepal .Sloth
Sloths are medium-sized mammals that live in Central and South America belonging to the families Megalonychidae and Bradypodidae, part of the order Pilosa. Most scientists call these two families the Folivora suborder, while some call it Phyllophaga.Sloths are omnivores. They may eat insects, small lizards and carrion, but their diet consists mostly of buds, tender shoots, and leaves.
Sloths have made extraordinary adaptations to an arboreal browsing lifestyle. Leaves, their main food source, provide very little energy or nutrition and do not digest easily: sloths have very large, specialized, slow-acting stomachs with multiple compartments in which symbiotic bacteria break down the tough leaves.
As much as two-thirds of a well-fed sloth's body-weight consists of the contents of its stomach, and the digestive process can take as long as a month or more to complete. Even so, leaves provide little energy, and sloths deal with this by a range of economy measures: they have very low metabolic rates (less than half of that expected for a creature of their size), and maintain low body temperatures when active (30 to 34 degrees Celsius or 86 to 93 degrees Fahrenheit), and still lower temperatures when resting. Sloths mainly live in Cecropia trees.
White-faced Saki Monkey
The White-faced Saki (Pithecia pithecia), also known as the Guianan Saki and the Golden-faced Saki, is a species of saki monkey, a type of New World monkey, found in Brazil, French Guiana, Guyana, Suriname, and Venezuela.. This monkey mostly feed on fruits, but also nuts, seeds, and insects.Tapir
Tapirs are large browsing mammals, roughly pig-like in shape, with short, prehensile snouts. They inhabit jungle and forest regions of South America, Central America, and Southeast Asia . All four species of tapir are classified as endangered or vulnerable. Their closest relatives are the other odd-toed ungulates, horses and rhinoceroses.Hagfish
Hagfish are marine craniates of the class Myxini, also known as Hyperotreti. Despite their name, there is some debate about whether they are strictly fish (as there is for lampreys), since they belong to a much more primitive lineage than any other group that is commonly defined fish (Chondrichthyes and Osteichthyes). Their unusual feeding habits and slime-producing capabilities have led members of the scientific and popular media to dub the hagfish as the most "disgusting" of all sea creatures.Hagfish are long, vermiform and can exude copious quantities of a sticky slime or mucus (from which the typical species Myxine glutinosa was named). When captured and held by the tail, they escape by secreting the fibrous slime, which turns into a thick and sticky gel when combined with water, and then cleaning off by tying themselves in an overhand knot which works its way from the head to the tail of the animal, scraping off the slime as it goes. Some authorities conjecture that this singular behavior may assist them in extricating themselves from the jaws of predatory fish. However, the "sliming" also seems to act as a distraction to predators, and free-swimming hagfish are seen to "slime" when agitated and will later clear the mucus off by way of the same travelling-knot behavior.
Star-nosed Mole
The Star-nosed Mole (Condylura cristata) is a small North American mole found in eastern Canada and the north-eastern United States . It is the only member of the tribe Condylurini and the genus Condylura.It lives in wet lowland areas and eats small invertebrates, aquatic insects, worms and molluscs. It is a good swimmer and can forage along the bottoms of streams and ponds. Like other moles, this animal digs shallow surface tunnels for foraging; often, these tunnels exit underwater. It is active day and night and remains active in winter, when it has been observed tunnelling through the snow and swimming in ice-covered streams. Little is known about the social behavior of the species, but it is suspected that it is colonial.
The Star-nosed Mole is covered in thick blackish brown water-repellent fur and has large scaled feet and a long thick tail, which appears to function as a fat storage reserve for the spring breeding season. Adults are 15 to 20 cm in length, weigh about 55 g, and have 44 teeth. The mole's most distinctive feature is a circle of 22 mobile, pink, fleshy tentacles at the end of the snout. These are used to identify food by touch, such as worms, insects and crustaceans.
Proboscis Monkey
Nasalis larvatus also known as Long-nosed Monkey is a reddish-brown arboreal Old World monkey. It is the only species in monotypic genus Nasalis.The most distinctive trait of this monkey is the male's large protruding nose. The purpose of the large nose is unclear, but it has been suggested that it is a result of sexual selection. The female Proboscis Monkey prefers big-nosed male s, thus propagating the trait.
Males are much larger than females, reaching 72 cm (28 inches) in length, with an up to 75 cm tail, and weighing up to 24 kg (53 pounds). Females are up to 60 cm long, weighing up to 12 kg (26 lb).
The Proboscis Monkey also has a large belly, as a result of its diet. Its digestive system is divided into several parts, with distinctive gut flora, which help in digesting leaves. This digestive process releases a lot of gas, resulting in the monkey's "bloated" bellies. A side-effect of this unique digestive system is that it is unable to digest ripe fruit, unlike most other simians. The diet consists mainly of fruits, seeds and leaves.
Pink Fairy Armadillo
The Pink Fairy Armadillo (Chlamyphorus truncatus) or Pichiciego is the smallest species of armadillo (mammals of the family Dasypodidae, mostly known for having a bony armor shell). It is approximately 90-115 mm long excluding the tail, and is pale rose or pink in color. It is found in central Argentina where it inhabits dry grasslands and sandy plains with thorn bushes and cacti. It has the ability to bury itself completely in a matter of seconds if frightened.The Pink Fairy Armadillo burrows small holes near ant colonies in dry dirt. It feeds mainly on ants and ant larvae near its burrow. Occasionally it feeds on worms, snails, insects and larvae, or various plant and root material.
Axolotl
The Axolotl (or ajolote) (Ambystoma mexicanum) is the best-known of the Mexican neotenic mole salamanders belonging to the Tiger Salamander complex. Larvae of this species fail to undergo metamorphosis, so the adults remain aquatic and gilled. The species originates from the lake underlying Mexico City . Axolotls are used extensively in scientific research due to their ability to regenerate most body parts, ease of breeding, and large embryos. They are commonly kept as pets in the United States , Great Britain , Australia , Japan (where they are sold under the name Wooper Rooper, and other countries.Axolotls should not be confused with waterdogs, the larval stage of the closely related Tiger Salamanders (Ambystoma tigrinum and Ambystoma mavortium), which is widespread in much of North America which also occasionally become neotenic, nor with mudpuppies (Necturus spp.), fully aquatic salamanders which are unrelated to the axolotl but which bear a superficial resemblance.
Aye-aye
The Aye-aye (Daubentonia madagascariensis) is a strepsirrhine native to Madagascar that combines rodent-like teeth with a long, thin middle finger to fill the same ecological niche as a woodpecker. It is the world's largest nocturnal primate, and is characterized by its unique method of finding food; it taps on trees to find grubs, then gnaws holes in the wood and inserts its elongated middle finger to pull the grubs out.Daubentonia is the only genus in the family Daubentoniidae and infraorder Chiromyiformes. The Aye-aye is the only extant member of the genus (although it is currently an endangered species); a second species (Daubentonia robusta) was exterminated over the last few centuries.
Alpaca
The Alpaca (Vicugna pacos) is a domesticated species of South American camelid developed from the wild alpacas. It resembles a sheep in appearance, but is larger and has a long erect neck as well as coming in many colors, whereas sheep are generally bred to be white and black.Alpacas are kept in herds that graze on the level heights of the Andes of Ecuador, southern Peru , northern Bolivia , and northern Chile at an altitude of 3500 to 5000 meters above sea-level, throughout the year.
Alpacas are considerably smaller than llamas, and unlike them are not used as beasts of burden but are valued only for their fiber. Alpacas only have fleece fibers, not woolen fibers, used for making knitted and woven items much as sheeps wool is. These items include blankets, sweaters, hats, gloves, scarves, a wide variety of textiles and ponchos in South America , and sweaters, socks and coats in other parts of the world. The fiber comes in more than 52 natural colors as classified in Peru , 12 as classified in Australia and 22 as classified in America .
Dumbo Octopus
The octopuses of the genus Grimpoteuthis are sometimes nicknamed "Dumbo octopuses" from the ear-like fins protruding from the top of their "heads" (actually bodies), resembling the ears of Walt Disney's flying elephant. They are benthic creatures, living at extreme depths, and are some of the rarest of the Octopoda species.Frill-necked Lizard
The Frill-necked Lizard, or Frilled Lizard also known as the Frilled Dragon, (Chlamydosaurus kingii) is so called because of the large ruff of skin which usually lies folded back against its head and neck. The neck frill is supported by long spines of cartilage, and when the lizard is frightened, it gapes its mouth showing a bright pink or yellow lining, and the frill flares out, displaying bright orange and red scales. The frill may also aid in thermoregulation.They may grow up to one metre in total length. They often walk quadrupedally when on the ground. When frightened they begin to run on all-fours and then accelerate onto the hind-legs. In Australia , the frill-necked lizard is also known as the "bicycle lizard" because of this behaviour.. Males are significantly larger than females both as juveniles and when mature. The frill of the Australian frilled dragon is used to frighten off potential predators â₆as well as hissing and lunging. If this fails to ward off the threat, the lizard flees bipedally to a nearby tree where it climbs to the top and relies on camouflage to keep it hidden.
Narwhal
The Narwhal (Monodon monoceros) is an Arctic species of cetacean. It is a creature rarely found south of latitude 70°N. It is one of two species of white whale in the Monodontidae family (the other is the beluga whale). It is possibly also related to the Irrawaddy dolphin.The English name narwhal is derived from the Dutch name narwal which in turn comes from the Danish narhval which is based on the Old Norse word nar, meaning "corpse." This is a reference to the animal's colour. The narwhal is also commonly known as the Moon Whale.
In some parts of the world, the Narwhal is colloquially referred to as a "reamfish."
Pygmy Marmoset
The Pygmy Marmoset (Callithrix (Cebuella) pygmaea) is a monkey native to the rainforest canopies of western Brazil , southeastern Colombia , eastern Ecuador , and eastern Peru . It is one of the smallest primates, with its body length ranging from 14-16 cm (excluding the 15-20 cm tail) and the smallest monkey. Males weigh around 140 g (5 ounces), and females only 120 g ( 4.2 ounces).TDespite its name, the Pygmy Marmoset is somewhat different from the typical marmosets classified in genus Callithrix. As such, it is accorded its own subgenus, which was formerly recognized as its own genus, Cebuella.
TThe Pygmy Marmoset has a tawny coat, and a ringed tail that can be as long as its body. Their claws are specially adapted for climbing trees, a trait unique to the species. They are omnivorous, feeding on fruit, leaves, insects, and sometimes even small reptiles. Much of their diet, however, comes from tapping trees for sap. Up to two-thirds of their time is spent gouging tree bark to reach the gummy sap. The Pygmy Marmoset has specialized incisors for gouging holes in bark. Unfortunately, because of its small size, and its swift movements, it is very hard to observe in the wild.
In captivity, the Pygmy Marmoset can live up to 11 years.
Blobfish
The blobfish (Psychrolutes marcidus) is a fish that inhabits the deep waters off the coasts of Australia and Tasmania . Due to the inaccessibility of its habitat, it is rarely seen by humans.Blobfish are found at depths where the pressure is several dozens of times higher than at sea level, which would likely make gas bladders inefficient. To remain buoyant, the flesh of the blobfish is primarily a gelatinous mass with a density slightly less than water; this allows the fish to float above the sea floor without expending energy on swimming. The relative lack of muscle is not a disadvantage as it primarily swallows edible matter that floats by in front it.
Platypus
The Platypus (Ornithorhynchus anatinus) is a semi-aquatic mammal endemic to eastern Australia , including Tasmania . Together with the four species of echidna, it is one of the five extant species of monotremes, the only mammals that lay eggs instead of giving birth to live young. It is the sole living representative of its family (Ornithorhynchidae) and genus (Ornithorhynchus), though a number of related species have been found in the fossil record.The bizarre appearance of this egg-laying, duck-billed mammal baffled naturalists when it was first discovered, with some considering it an elaborate fraud. It is one of the few venomous mammals; the male Platypus has a spur on the hind foot which delivers a poison capable of causing severe pain to humans. The unique features of the Platypus make it an important subject in the study of evolutionary biology and a recognizable and iconic symbol of Australia ; it has appeared as a mascot at national events and is featured on the reverse of the Australian 20 cent coin.
Until the early 20th century it was hunted for its fur, but it is now protected throughout its range. Although captive breeding programs have had only limited success and the Platypus is vulnerable to the effects of pollution, it is no
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Hiding an airplane factory
Illusion
2) Audience or buildings
3) Can you count the number of horses? should find seven
4) How many people are there in the picture ?
5.Impossible ring
6.live carpet
7.water fall or human fall???
8.In the forest there are five hidden deers....... .Can you find all of them???????? ?
9. How many pillers are there ,three or two ???????????
10.DO YOU SEE FOUR PEOPLE?
11.Who is the tallest?
12.A face? ... Or, the word 'liar' ?
13.NEXT:What do you see here?
Do you see the word "LIFT"?
Or, a bunch of black splotches ?
15.NEXT? FIND THE FACES:
16.THE LAST ONE: 
Generation to Generation
Friday, November 23, 2007
Creative ways to deal with telemarketers
nswer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, "Oh No!!!" and then hang up.
- Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her HOME phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their HOME numbers you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me, either!" Hang up.
- Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
- Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
- Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you a pizza.
- Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
- Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your mom?"
- Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder...louder...
- Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Could Noah build his ark today?
If Noah had lived in the United States today the story may have gone something like this:
And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."
In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah!" He shouted. "Where is the Ark?"
"Lord, please forgive me," cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems.
"First, I had to get a permit for construction, and your plans did not meet the building codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a sprinkler system and approved floatation devices. Then, my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.
"Then, I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I really needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me take the 2 owls.
"The carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.
"When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal rights group sued me. They objected to me taking only two of each kind aboard. This suit is pending.
"Meanwhile, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe.
"Then, the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed flood plain. I sent them a globe.
"Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking atheists aboard.
"The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational water craft'.
"And finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it's a religious event, and, therefore unconstitutional.
"I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another five or six years."
Noah waited. The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.
Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"
"No," He said sadly. "I don't have to. The government already has."
A Texas millionaire
A Texas millionaire had fallen ill. The doctors consulted did not seem to understand what ailed him. The millionaire let it be known that any doctor who could heal him could have whatever he desired.
A country doctor was finally able to cure him, and as the doctor was leaving after a week's stay, the Texan said, "Doc! I am a man of my word. You name it, and if it is humanly possible I'll get it for you."
"Well," said the doctor, "I love to play golf, so if I could have a matching set of golf clubs, that would be fine." With that the physician left.
The doctor didn't hear from the Texan millionaire for some months. Then, one day, he got a phone call from the millionaire.
"Doc, I bet you thought that I had gone back on my word. I have your matching set of golf clubs. The reason it took so long is that two of them didn't have swimming pools, and I didn't think they were good enough for ya. So I had pools installed and they're all ready for you now!"
Underwater Hotel under construction in Dubai
Currently under construction in Dubai , Hydropolis is the world's first underwater luxury hotel. It will include three elements: the land station, where guests will be welcomed, the connecting tunnel, which will transport people by train to the main area of the hotel, and the 220 suites within the submarine leisure complex. It is one of the largest contemporary construction projects in the world, covering an area of 260 hectares, about the size of London 's Hyde Park .
This will be a hotel where those who do not dive - or do not even swim - can experience the tranquillity and inspiration of the underwater world.



In order to enter this surreal space, visitors will begin at the land station. This 120m woven, semicircular cylinder will arch over a multi-storey building.
The world of science fiction becoming reality.
The shallow water hotel will be shaped as a bowl and will be positioned on the sea ground, according to Hohmann. The deep water version is floating in the sea with anchors on the ground.
The bowl will be constructed externally and then positioned on the location. It will then be emptied of the water and equipped with huge aquariums as an attraction for the guests. "At the shallow water hotel, guests are exposed to big fish tanks that contain controlled water and fish, since shallow water is muddy and not transparent. At the deep water hotel, visitors are looking directly into the sea


Tuesday, November 20, 2007
How to deal with telemarketers
- If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
- If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."
- If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, are they married?, kids?, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
- Cry out in surprise,"Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
- Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
- If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"
- After the Telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
- Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.
35 Years
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes and bows in prayer.
His friend says, "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."
The man then replies, "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
Daniel Czapiewski designs the upside-down house in Poland




A Polish businessman and philanthropist says he has built this upside down house to remind people of wrongdoings against humanity. The house has been attracting thousands of tourists. People visiting the house start to feel sea-sick once they are inside. "Mankind spoiling this world, and only mankind can fix it...", the owner of this new wonder said. The house took 5 times longer to build than a normal house. It took 114 days to build the structure - a typical project made by Czapiewski's cooperation which specializes in wooden houses, would normally take 21 days to construct. He remembers that his workers had to take an hour's break every three hours while working inside the house because they were feeling disorientated and confused from the strange angles of the walls. The upside down house is not the first unusual structure made or devised by Czapiewski. He is infamous for making the longest single piece of wood in the world - a Guinness World Record. Czapiewski also smuggled a complete antique house out of Russia. The house was built by Polish detainees sent in their thousands to desolate regions of Siberia by Russian Tsars in the eighteenth century. Because of its age, suspected to be over 240 years old, the Siberian house was officially an antique and therefore illegal to export.
Motivation : Take up the challenge
The Japanese have always loved fresh fish. But the waters close to Japan have not held many fish for decades. So to feed the Japanese population, fishing boats got bigger and went farther than ever. The farther the fishermen went, the longer it took to bring in the fish. If the return trip took more than a few days, the fish were not fresh. The Japanese did not like the taste.
To solve this problem, fishing companies installed freezers on their boats. They would catch the fish and freeze them at sea. Freezers allowed the boats to go farther and stay longer. However, the Japanese could taste the difference between fresh and frozen and they did not like frozen fish. The frozen fish brought a lower price. So fishing companies installed fish tanks. They would catch the fish and stuff them in the tanks, fin to fin.
After a little thrashing around, the fish stopped moving. They were tired and dull, but alive. Unfortunately, the Japanese could still taste the difference. Because the fish did not move for days, they lost their fresh-fish taste.
The Japanese preferred the lively taste of fresh fish, not sluggish fish. So how did Japanese fishing companies solve this problem? How do they get fresh-tasting fish to Japan? To keep the fish tasting fresh, the Japanese fishing companies (still) put the fish in the tanks. But now they add a small shark to each tank. The shark eats a few fish, but most of the fish arrive in a very lively state.
Like the Japanese fish - "Man thrives, oddly enough, only in the presence of a challenging environment."- L. Ron Hubbard. Challenges are what keep us FRESH! Instead of avoiding challenges, jump into them. Beat the heck out of them. Enjoy the game. If your challenges are too large or too numerous, reorganize the challenge, work with the team, be resourceful and innovative. And do not give up. Failing makes you tired. If you have met your goals, set some bigger goals. Once you meet your personal or family needs, move onto goals for your team, management, organization, the society, even mankind.
Don't create success and lie in it. You have resources, skills and abilities to make a difference. Put a shark in your tank and see how far you can really go!
Monday, November 19, 2007
Broom
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom, and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."
"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom -- I'll show you how."
Tickets
A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally they reached the ticket window.
"Five tickets, please," the father said. "Two round trip, three one way."
Batman
I went to dinner with my husband, a male friend of ours, Jim, and his new girlfriend, Dorothy.
While eating dinner we got on the subject of vacations. Dorothy said that she wanted to go to Gotham City for her next vacation.
I tried to explain to her that it wasn't a real place. She laughed and said "It is, too. It's where Batman lives".
I laughed and looked over at Jim who smiled and told me she was serious. I then tried to explain. "Batman does not exist. Why do you think there have been four of them: Bale, Clooney, Kilmer and Keaton?"
She looked me straight in the eye and said, "That's because he doesn't want anyone to know who he really is."
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Life Changing Thoughts
* Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
* If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos.....then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
* Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.
* Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
* Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
* Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity
Disappointed salesman of Coca Cola
A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East
assignment. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was
very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is
virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak
Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters…
First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand… totally
exhausted and panting.
Desert man
Second, the man is drinking our Cola and
Third, our man is now totally refreshed.
Drinking Coca cola
Then these posters were pasted all over the place"
"That should have worked," said the friend.
The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also
didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left…"
Some Halloween witch jokes

Q: Why don't angry witches ride their brooms?
A: They're afraid of flying off the handle!
Q: What do witches put on their hair?
A: Scare spray.
Q: How does the witch know what time it is?
A: She looks at her witch-watch.
Q: What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling!
Q: What did the witch do when her broomstick broke?
A: She witch-hiked!
Q: What does a witch kid want for Christmas?
A: A haunted dollhouse.
Q: Why do witches wear name tags?
A: So they would know which witch is which!
Q: How do witches tell time?
A: With a witch watch.
Q: What do you call two witches living together?
A: Broom-mates.
Q: What does a witch ask for when she is in a hotel?
A: Broom service.
Q: What did one witch say to other when she asked for a lift?
A: "There's always broom for one more."
Q: When do witches cook their victims?
A: On Fry Day.
Q: What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A: A sand-witch.
Q: What do you call a motorbike that belongs to a witch?
A: A brrrooooommmm stick.
Q: Who was the most famous witch detective?
A: Warlock Holmes.
Q: What do they teach in witching school?
A: Spelling.
Q: Why does a witch ride a broom?
A: Vacuum cleaners get stuck at the end of the cord.
Q: What do you call a witch's garage?
A: A broom closet.
Q: What did the witch do when her broomstick broke?
A: She witch-hiked!
Q: What do witches eat at Halloween?
A: Spookettihalloweeniesdevils food cake and booberry pie!
Q: What story do little witches like to hear at bedtime?
A: Ghoul deluxe and the three scares!
Q: How does a witch tell the time?
A: With a witch watch!
Q: Why did the witch put her broom in the washing machine?
A: She wanted a clean sweep!
Q: What do you call two witches that share a room?
A: Broom mates!
Q: What noise does a witch's breakfast cereal make?
A: Snap, cackle and pop!
Q: What is a witch with poison ivy called?
A: An itchy witchy!
Q: What's a cold evil candle called?
A: The wicked wick of the north!
Q: What is evil, ugly and black and goes round and round?
A: A witch in a revolving door!
Q: What is evil and ugly on the inside and green on the outside?
A: A witch dressed as a cucumber!
Q: What happens if you see twin witches?
A: You won't be able to see which witch is witch.
Before You Meet With God
A man died and went to The Judgment. St. Peter met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, "Before you meet with God, I thought I should tell you -- we've looked at your life, and you really didn't do anything particularly good or bad. We're not at all sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?"
The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, "Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a woman who was being harassed by a group of bikers. So I pulled over, got out my tire iron, and went up to the leader of the bikers. He was a big, muscular, hairy guy with tattoos all over his body and a ring pierced through his nose. Well, I tore the nose ring out of his nose, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering the woman or they would have to deal with me!"
"I'm impressed," St. Peter responded, "When did this happen?"
"About two minutes ago," came the reply.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
The Old Witness
An old man was a witness in a burglary case. The defense lawyer asked Sam, “Did you see my client commit this burglary?”
“Yes,” said Sam, “I saw him plainly take the goods.”
The lawyer asks Sam again, “Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?”
“Yes,” says Sam, “I saw him do it.”
Then the lawyer asks Sam, “Sam, listen, you are 80 years old and your eye sight is probably bad. Just how far can you see at night?”
Sam says, “I can see the moon, how far is that?”
Friday, November 16, 2007
Church Emmaus is shifted
For parishioners of church Emmaus (Emmaus-Kirche), constructed 750 years ago and located in German village Hojersdorf (Heuersdorf), now it is necessary to search for other place for a pray. Building it will be powerful 660 tons entirely it is transported on a special platform in Born's nearby city (Borna) which is located in 12 km from the previous site. Such decision was accepted in connection with a coal deposit which is under a building of church. Presumable date of final crossing — on October, 31st. Cost of transportation will make about 3 million euro.








Thoughts To Change You Outlook
* A person who smiles in the face of adversity.....probably has a scapegoat.
* Plagiarism saves time.
* If at first you don't succeed, try management.
* Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
* TEAMWORK.....means never having to take all the blame yourself.
* Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
* INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
Job Benefits
A woman, searching for a job, inquired about the benefits. The Personnel Manager informed her they had group health and life insurance, but the costs were deducted from the employee's pay.
She said, "My last employer had full health coverage, as well as five year's salary for life insurance and a month's sick leave AND they paid the full premiums."
"I can't help but ask why you would leave a job with such benefits," the interviewer replied.
The woman shrugged her shoulders and said, "The company went bankrupt."
A wealthy lawyer
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?", he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food.", the poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then."
"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"
"Bring them along! And you, come with us too!", he said to the other man.
"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered.
"Bring them as well!"
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall."
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Ladies Bumper Stickers
- So many men, so few who can afford me
- God made us sisters, Prozac made us friends
- If they don't have chocolate in Heaven, I ain't going!
- My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips
- Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog
- Coffee - Chocolate - Men... Some things are just better rich
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Hunting Flies
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting Flies," he responded.
"Oh!, Killed any?" she asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
Judge's Announcement
A judge enters the courtroom, strikes the gavel and says, "Before I begin this trial, I have an announcement to make.
"The lawyer for the defense has paid me $15,000 to swing the case his way. The lawyer for the plaintiff has paid me $10,000 to swing the case her way.
"In order to make this a fair trial, I am returning $5,000 to the defense."
Monday, November 12, 2007
Appraisal And Resignation
Boss: "Do you know the meaning of resignation? "
Trainee: "Yes I do"
Boss: "So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by comparing it with resignation"
Comparison study : Appraisal and Resignation
**********
In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.
In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.
**********
In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.
In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.
**********
During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.
During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.
**********
There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.
There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.
**********
Trainee: "Yes boss enough, now I understood my future. For an appraisal I will have to resign ... !!!"
**********
Complicated English..:)
Driving Styles
One Hand On Steering Wheel,
One Hand Out Of Window…
You Are in SYDNEY …
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
One Hand On Steering Wheel,
One Hand On Horn…
You Are in JAPAN …
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
One Hand On Steering Wheel,
One Hand On Newspaper,
Foot Solidly On Accelerator…
You Are in BOSTON …
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Both Hands On Steering Wheel,
Eyes Shut,
Both Feet On Brake,
Quivering In Terror
You Are in NEW YORK …
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Both Hands In Air,
Gesturing,
Both Feet On Accelerator,
Head Turned To Talk To Someone In Back Seat…
You Are in ITALY …
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
One Hand On Horn,
One Hand On Holding Gear,
One Ear Listening To Loud Music,
One Ear On Cell Phone,
One Foot On Accelerator,
One Foot On Clutch,
Nothing On Break,
Eyes On Females In Next Car,
WELCOME TO INDIA
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Some funny lines
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
********
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
********
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
********
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
********
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
********
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
********
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
********
DISCUSSION T! ECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
********
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
********
SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU KNOW CAN HANDLE IT.
********
Stock Market !!!!!
a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10.
The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around,
went out to the forest and started catching them.
The man bought thousands at Rs10 and as supply started to diminish,
the villagers stopped their effort.
He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20.
This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms.
The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply of monkeys became so little
that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50!
However, since he had to go to the city on some business,
his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers.
Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected.
I will sell them to you at Rs35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs50."
The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.
Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!!!
Welcome to the "Stock" Market!!!!!
A Gujarati Boy
One day many years ago at a school in South London a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds,
"I'll give $20 to the child who can tell me who was the most respected man, whom people consider God, who ever lived."
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick."
The teacher said, "Sorry Alan, that's not correct."
Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew."
The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either.
Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ."
The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jayant, come up here and I'll give you the $20."
As the teacher was giving Jayant his money,
she said, "You know Jayant, since you are Gujarati, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ."
Jayant replied, "Yes, in my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna, but business is business!"
The Indian hell
There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.
He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?"
He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour.
Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.
He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"
He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour.
Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the Indian devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day.
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,
someone has stolen all the nails from the bed
and
the devil is a former Govt servant,
so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen!!!!!!
INTERESTING FACTS
Post on February 1, 1969!
2. In Tokyo , a bicycle is faster than a car for most trips of less
than 50 minutes!
3. There are 18 different animal shapes in the Animal Crackers
cookie zoo!
4. Should there be a crash, Prince Charles and Prince William
never travel on the same airplane as a precaution!
5. Your body is creating and killing 15 million red blood cells per
second!
6. The king of hearts is the only king without a moustache on a
standard playing card!
7. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos!
8. There is one slot machine in Las Vegas for every eight
inhabitants!
9. The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. It was the fashion in
Renaissance Florence to shave them off!
10. Every day 20 banks are robbed. The average take is $2,500!
11. The most popular first name in the world is Muhammad!
12. Tablecloths were originally meant to be served as towels with
which dinner guests could wipe their hands and faces after eating!
13. Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a
restaurant is considered an insult!
14. One car out of every 230 made was stolen last year!
15. The names of Popeye's four nephews are Pipeye, Peepeye,
Pupeye, and Poopeye!
16. Until the nineteenth century, solid blocks of tea were used as
money in Siberia !
17. The Nobel Peace Prize medal depicts three naked men with their
hands on each other's shoulders!
18. When glass breaks, the cracks move faster than 3,000 miles per
hour. To photograph the event, a camera must shoot at a millionth of a second!
19. A Boeing 747 airliner holds 57,285 gallons of fuel!
20. A car uses 1.6 ounces of gas idling for one minute. Half an ounce
is used to start the average automobile!
21. The Philadelphia mint produces 26 million pennies per day!
22. A lightning bolt generates temperatures five times hotter than
those found at the sun's surface!
23. A violin contains about 70 separate pieces of wood!
24. It is estimated that 4 million "junk" telephone calls, phone
solicitations by persons or programmed machine are made every day in the United States !
25. It takes glass one million years to decompose, which means it
never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times!
26. Forest fires move faster uphill than downhill!
27. Almost half the newspapers in the world are published in the
United States and Canada !
28. The two-foot long bird called a Kea that lives in New Zealand
likes to eat the strips of rubber around car windows!
29. Most lipstick contains fish scales!
30. Skepticisms is the longest word that alternates hands when
typing!
31. One ragweed plant can release as many as one billion grains of
pollen!
32. It's illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while you're sitting on a
curb in St. Louis !
33. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigleys gum!
34. No piece of square dry paper can be folded more than 7 times in
half!
35. A group of geese on the ground is a gaggle, a group of geese in
the air is a skein!
36. Over 2500 left handed people a year are killed from using
products made for right handed people!
37. There are more than 10 million bricks in the Empire State
Building !
38. If you counted 24 hours a day, it would take 31,688 years to
reach one trillion!
39. Taphephobia is the fear of being buried alive!
40. A crocodile always grows new teeth to replace the old teeth!
41. The sun is 330,330 times larger than the earth!
42. Clinophobia is the fear of beds!
43. A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second!
44. Porcupines float in water!
45. Pinocchio is Italian for "pine eye"!
46. The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog." uses
every letter of the alphabet!
47. The average life span of a major league baseball is 5-7 pitches!
48. The Mint once considered producing doughnut-shaped coins!
49. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a
letter is "uncopyrightable" !
50. The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds! During
your lifetime, you'll eat about 60,000 pounds of food, that's the weight of about 6 elephants!
51. Some ribbon worms will eat themselves if they cant find any
food!
52. Dolphins sleep with one eye open!
53. The worlds oldest piece of chewing gum is over 9000 years old!
54. In space, astronauts cannot cry properly, because there is no
gravity, so the tears can't flow down their faces!
55. There are more plastic flamingos in the U.S, than real ones!
56. About 3000 years ago, most Egyptians died by the time they
were 30!
57. More people use blue toothbrushes, than red ones!
58. A sneeze travels out your mouth at over 100 m.p.h.!
59. Your ribs move about 5 million times a year, every time you
breathe !
a. In the White House, there are 13,092 knives, forks and spoons!
60. Slugs have 4 noses!
61. Recycling one glass jar, saves enough energy to watch T.V for 3
hours!
62. Lightning strikes about 6,000 times per minute on this planet!
63. Owls are one of the only birds who can see the color blue!
64. The average American/Canadian drinks about 600 sodas a year!
65. It was once against the law to slam your car door in a city in
Switzerland !
66. There wasn't a single pony in the Pony Express, just horses!
67. Honeybees have a type of hair on their eyes!
68. There are over 58 million dogs in the U.S!
69. Dogs and cats consume over $11 billion worth of pet food a
year!
70. Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails!
71. Humans blink over 10,000,000 times a year!
72. In the year 2000, Pope John Paul II was named an "Honorary
Harlem Globetrotter. "!
73. Every second, Americans collectively eat one hundred pounds of
chocolate!
74. A fetus develops fingerprints at eighteen weeks!
75. The fear of vegetables is called Lachanophobia!
76. There are approximately fifty Bibles sold each minute across the
world!
77. Every year, kids in North America spend close to half a billion
dollars on chewing gum!An earthquake on Dec. 16, 1811 caused parts of the Mississippi River to flow backwards!
78. A person uses approximately fifty-seven sheets of toilet paper
each day!
79. Honolulu is the only place in the United States that has a royal
palace!
80. One gallon of used motor oil can ruin approximately one million
gallons of fresh water!
81. More money is spent on gardening than on any other hobby!
82. In 32 years. there are about 1 billion seconds!
83. Rice paper does not have any rice in it!
84. Baby robins eat 14 feet of earthworms every day!
85. In England , in the 1880's, "Pants" was considered a dirty word!
86. Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin!
87. The blesbok, a South African antelope, is almost the same color
as grapejuice!
88. The average person laughs 13 times a day!
89. Dogs can hear sounds that you cant!
90. Men are 6 times more likely to be struck by lightning than
women!
91. It is estimated that millions of trees in the world are accidentally
planted by squirrels who bury nuts and then forget where they hid them!
92. Ernest Vincent Wright wrote a novel, "Gadsby", which contains
over 50,000 words -- none of them with the letter E!
93. Of all the words in the English language, the word set has the
most definitions!
94. A toothpick is the object most often choked on by Americans!
95. Every 45 seconds, a house catches on fire in the United States !
96. The sun is 330,330 times larger than the earth!
97. The most used letter in the English alphabet is 'E', and 'Q' is the
least used!
98. There are more than 50,000 earthquakes throughout the world
every year!
99. The original name for the butterfly was 'flutterby'!
100. Dogs and cats, like humans, are either right or left
handed... or is that paws?!
101. The opposite sides of a dice cube always add up to seven!
102. Nose prints are used to identify dogs, just like humans use
fingerprints!
103. Bulls are colorblind, therefore will usually charge at a matador's
waving cape no matter what color it is -- be it red or neon yellow!
104. Apples are more efficient than caffeine in keeping people awake
in the mornings!
105. Smelling bananas and/or green apples (smelling, not eating) can
help you lose weight!
106. A hard working adult sweats up to 4 gallons per day. Most of the
sweat evaporates before a person realizes it's there, though!
107. The average ice berg weighs 20,000,000 tons!
108. The poison-arrow frog has enough poison to kill about 2,200
people!
How to Get Into Heaven
These Sorta Make Sense
- I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now, but leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."
- I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how to get out.
- I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
- I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it.
- I photocopied a mirror. Now I have an extra photocopy machine.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Wife wanted
How to Detect a Mental Deficiency
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"
"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."
"What sort of question?"
"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'
The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Ridiculous British laws
1. It is illegal to die in the Houses of parliament .
2. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British monarch upside-down .
3. In Liverpool, it is illegal for a woman to be topless except as a clerk in a tropical fish store
4. Mince pies cannot be eaten on Christmas Day .
5. In Scotland, if someone knocks on your door and requires the use of your toilet, you must let them enter .
6. A pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including in a policeman's helmet .
7. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast automatically becomes the property of the king, and the tail of the queen .
8. It is illegal to avoid telling the tax man anything you
do not want him to know, but legal not to tell him information you do not mind him knowing .
9. It is illegal to enter the Houses of parliament in a suit of armour .
☼ 10 COMMANDMENTS OF MARRIAGE ☼
Marriages are made in heaven.
But so again, are thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2.
If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say,
talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3.
Marriage is grand --
and divorce is at least 100 grand!
Commandment 4.
Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage,
the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks
and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and
the neighbors listen.
Commandment 5.
When a man opens the door of his car
for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:
Either the car is new or the wife is.
Commandment 6.
Marriage is when a man and woman
become as one; the trouble starts when
they try to decide which one.
Commandment 7.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake
all night thinking about something you
said. After marriage, he will fall asleep
before you finish.
Commandment 8.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful,
understanding, economical, and a good
cook. But the law allows only one wife.
Commandment 9.
Every woman wants a man who is handsome,
understanding, economical and a considerate
lover, but again, the law allows only
one husband.
Commandment 10.
Man is incomplete until he marries.
After that, he is finished.
Bonus Commandment story.
A long married couple came upon a wishing well.
The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The husband decided to make a wish too.
But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
What is 2 * 2 ?
Several scientists were all posed the following question: "What is 2 * 2 ?"
The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it's old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces "3.99".
The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces "it lies between 3.98 and 4.02".
The mathematician cogitates for a while, then announces: "I don't know what the answer is, but I can tell you, an answer exists!".
Philosopher smiles: "But what do you mean by 2 * 2 ?"
Logician replies: "Please define 2 * 2 more precisely."
The sociologist: "I don't know, but is was nice talking about it".
Behavioral Ecologist: "A polygamous mating system".
Medical Student : "4"
All others looking astonished : "How did you know?"
Medical Student : "I memorized it."
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
A Following Person
Monday, November 5, 2007
World Famous Photographs
Afghan Girl [1984]

Omayra Sánchez [1985]

Portrait of Winston Churchill [1941]

The plight of Kosovo refugees [1999]

Stricken child crawling towards a food camp [1994]

Segregated Water Fountains [1950]

Burning Monk - The Self-Immolation [1963]

Bliss [~2000]

The Triangle Shirtwaist Fire [1911]
Finally, a question for you…………. Who is this famous guy?
The Following Photos are added in response to the suggestions made by visitors
The Vietnam War has probably produced the photos with the most impact on modern society. One photo in particular stands out: the photo that became known as Napalm girl, taken by Huynh Cong 'Nick' Ut at the village of Trang Bang, Vietnam, on June 8, 1972.
The photo has had tremendous impact on Western and American society ever since it was published in 1972. It won several awards, including the 1973 Pulitzer Prize. However, the story behind the photo, the girl in the photo and the photographer haven't been told very often. Sofar, the best article on the photo and its history is the article from 2000 The survivor: Phan Thi Kim Phuc and the photographer Nick Ut. The story relates Nick Ut's day when he took the photo, the incident itself and the aftermath of the incident. The article also shows photos that place the Napalm girl photo into context. The accompanying interviews with Nick Ut and Kim Phuc further place the photo in a historical context.
Tank Man, or the Unknown Rebel, is the nickname of an anonymous man who became internationally famous when he was videotaped and photographed during the Tiananmen Square protests on 5 June 1989. Several photographs were taken of the man, who stood in front of a column of Chinese Type 59 tanks, preventing their advance. The most widely reproduced version of the photograph was taken by Jeff Widener (Associated Press), from the sixth floor of the Beijing Hotel, about half a mile (800 m) away, through a 400 mm lens.

Execution of a Viet Cong Guerrilla 1968
With North Vietnam’s Tet Offensive beginning, Nguyen Ngoc Loan, South Vietnam’s national police chief, was doing all he could to keep Viet Cong guerrillas from Saigon. As Loan executed a prisoner who was said to be a Viet Cong captain, AP photographer Eddie Adams opened the shutter. Adams won a Pulitzer Prize for a picture that, as much as any, turned public opinion against the war. Adams felt that many misinterpreted the scene, and when told in 1998 that the immigrant Loan had died of cancer at his home in Burke, Va., he said, “The guy was a hero. America should be crying. I just hate to see him go this way, without people knowing anything about him.”

More Good Advice From Kids
"Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time." - Kyoyo, age 11
"You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk." -Amir, age 9
"Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts." -Kellie, age 11
"If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse." -Naomi, age 15
"Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick." -Lauren, age 9
"Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat." -Joel, age 10
"When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your Mom when she's on the phone." -Alyesha, age 13
"Never try to baptize a cat." -Eileen, age 8
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Contrary Proverbs
BUT
Time and tide wait for no man.
The pen is mightier than the sword.
BUT
Actions speak louder than words.
Wise men think alike.
BUT
Fools seldom differ.
The best things in life are free
BUT
There's no such thing as a free lunch
Slow and steady wins the race
BUT
Time waits for no man
Look before you leap
BUT
Strike while the iron is hot
Do it well, or not at all.
BUT
Half a loaf is better than none.
Birds of a feather flock together.
BUT
Opposites attract.
Don't cross your bridges before you come to them.
BUT
Forewarned is forearmed.
Doubt is the beginning of wisdom.
BUT
Faith will move mountains.
Great starts make great finishes.
BUT
It ain't over 'till it's over.
Practice makes perfect.
BUT
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
Silence is golden.
BUT
The squeaky wheel gets the grease.
You're never too old to learn.
BUT
You can't teach an old dog new tricks
What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
BUT
One man's meat is another man's poison.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
BUT
Out of sight, out of mind.
Too many cooks spoil the broth.
BUT
Many hands make light work.
Hold fast to the words of your ancestors.
BUT
Wise men make proverbs and fools repeat them.
More Actual Medical Chart Notes
- The skin was moist and dry.
- Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
- Patient was alert and unresponsive.
- She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
- Rectal examination revealed a normal-size thyroid.
- I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
- The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
- The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
- Skin: somewhat pale but present.
- The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
- Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. ____, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
- Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
- She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night.
- Patient was found in bed with her power mower.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Actual Medical Chart Notes
- Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
- Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
- On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared.
- The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
- The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
- Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
- Healthy-appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
- The patient refused autopsy.
- The patient has no previous history of suicides.
- Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
- Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the last three days.
- Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
- Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
- She is numb from her toes down.
- While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.



























































































































































































































































