Milk ur cows

Jayalalithaism

You have two cows. You teach them to cry,"Ammaaaaaaa.. ."

and fall at your feet.

Karunanidhiism

You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to your nephew ..

Gandhism

You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk.

Lalooism

You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.

Rajnikantism

You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth.

Softwarism: (Ultimate... .)

Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them.

1 . First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)

2 . Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)

3 . Then prepare how to milk them (Design)

4 . Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them

(Framework)

5 . Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client

the way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)

6 . If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2

7 You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem

with accessories. (Change framework)

8 . Redo step 4

9 . At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)

10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)

11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.

12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from

bulls

13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)

14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)

15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk

16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow

rate (performance issue)

17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.

18. Client is happy???

By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk.

(The software got old and get ready for next release

repeat from step 1) !!!!!

Tips to reach Six Sigma.

More Jokes

It takes thousand workers 2 build a castle, Million soldiers 2 protect a
Country, but just one woman 2 makes a Happy Home!
Let's Thank... KAAMWALI BAI

Boy: I'm not rich like Rahul, I don't even have a big car like Rahul, but I
Really Luv U!
Girl: I luv u too, but tell me more about Rahul.

Angry boss: Tumne kabhi Ullu dekha hai?
Executive (Sir Jhukate hue): Nahin sir.
Boss: Niche kya dekh rahe ho? Meri taraf dekho.

Q: Agar do pipal ke Pedon ko ek rassi se bandh diya jaye to us rassi ko kya
Kahenge?
A: Us rassi ko bolengey NOKIA - Connecting pipal

Ek yug tha jab log apne ghar ke dwar pe likhte the: ATITHI DEVO BHAVA
Phir likha: SHUBH LABH
Phir likhne lage: U R WELCOME
Aur ab likhte hain: KUTTON SE SAVDHAN.

Khuda kare tujhe khushiyan hazaar mile, mujhse bhi achche yaar mile,
Meri galfriend tujhe raakhi baandhe aur tujhe ek aur Behan ka pyar mile

It takes 15 trees to produce the amount of paper that we use to write one
Exam.
Join us in promoting the noble cause of saving trees. SAY NO TO EXAMS

Ek ladka ek ladki ke saath baitha tha. 2nd day doosri ladki ke saath dekha
Gaya .
3rd day koi aur ladki thi. 4th day kisi nayi ladki ke saath tha
Moral: Ladkiyan badal jaati hain, ladke nahin badaltey.

Train mein TT Sadhu se bola: Kahan Jana hai?
Sadhu: Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha.
TT: Ticket hai?
Sadhu: Nahin
TT: Chalo
Sadhu: Kahan?
TT: Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha… Jail mein

Jokes

Interviewer: what is your birth date?

Sardar: 13th October
Which year?
Sardar : Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR


Manager asked to sardar at an interview
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.




Teacher to Sardar: Write your best friend's name in English.
Sardar wrote: ' Beautiful Red Underware'
Teacher: What?
Sardar: His name is Sundar Lal Chaddi


After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?


One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!


Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.


Sardar was doing experiment with cockroach, first he cut it's one leg and told WALK. WALK. Cockroach walked. Then he cut it's second leg and told the same. Cockroach walked. Then cut the third leg and did the same. At last he cut it's fourth leg and ordered it walk! But cockroach didn't walk. Suddenly sardar said loudly, "I found it. If we cut cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf.



When sarda r was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror. Sardar shouted, "You are trying to see my wife? Sit back. I will drive.


Sardar went in a hotel. To wash hands he went to the washbasin. There he started washing the basin. Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing. Sardar pointed towards the board "WASH BASIN"


Interviewer: just imagine your in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Sardar : its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!


A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and Suffered huge Loss. Do u
know what the business was? . . . .. . . . . .. . . He opened a Saloon
in
Punjab!

A Sardarji photographer is focusing a dead body's face in a funeral
function, suddenly all dead persons relatives beat him. why? He said
"SMILE PLEASE"

Sardarji gets ready, wears tie, coat, goes out, climbs tree, and sits on

the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this. Sardarji: "I've been
promoted
as branch manager."

Why is a Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open
mouth................. Because his doctor advised him "Today's dinner
should be light"

One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college. U know
Why? Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...

Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.

Servant: It's already raining. Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.

Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever - What will
come first, Chicken or egg? O Yaar, what ever u order first will come
first.

Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet

Sardar: - Why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....

Sardar's wish: when i die, i wana die like my grandpa who died
peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all d passengers in d bus he
was driving..

A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in
the morning. Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.

Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital. The Chinese friend just
says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies. Sardarji goes 2 china 2 find meaning of
friends
last words. It is 'U R STANDNG ON the OXyGeN TUBE!"

Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed. His
wife asked what you are doing. He said-I am seeing how I look while
sleeping.

Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it? Guess
what...---To avoid side effect!!!

Man: Sardarji where were u born?

Sardarji: Punjab.

Man: Which part?
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born in punjab".

Pet Hippo

Pet Jessica, a three-quarters of a ton pet hippo of retired game warden Tonie Joubert and his wife Shirley: The hippo greets Tonie, in particular, with special grunts and flicking ears whenever she sees him and follows him like a dog wherever he goes. There is no strict daily routine, but certain crucial things must not be missed - such as the 10 litres of sweet warm coffee, which Tonie bottle-feeds her with every day, or the dog pellets which she expects as treats. Most nights, Jessica totters off back to the river for a mudbath. But on other occasions she’ll wander into the house, wet and dripping slime and plonk herself on the couple’s bed. It is becoming a problem because - unlike the famous hippo in the Silentnight bed adverts - she has broken the Jouberts’ bed three times.

Funny Quotes

Practice makes a man perfect.....

But nobody's perfect..... .so why practice?

............ ......... ......... ......... . ............ .........
......... ....

Money is not everything.

There's MasterCard & Visa.

............ ......... ... ............ ......... ......... .........
... ........

One should love animals.

They are so tasty.

............ ......... ... ............ ......... ......... .........
... ........

Save water.

Shower with your girl friend.

............ ......... ... ............ ......... ......... .........
... ........

Love thy neighbour.

But don't get caught.

............ ......... ......... ......... . ............ .........
......... ....

Behind every successful man, there is a woman

And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

............ ......... ......... ......... . ............ ...
............ .......

Every man should marry.

After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

............ ......... ......... ......... . ............ .........
......... ....

The wise never marryAnd when they marry they become otherwise.

............ ......... ......... ......... . ............ .........
......... ....

Success is a relative term.

It brings so many relatives.

............ ......... ......... ......... . ............ .........
......... ....

Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.

............ ......... ... ............ ......... ......... .........
... ........

Love is photogenic - It needs darkness to develop

............ ......... ......... ......... . ............ .........
......... ....

Children in backseats cause accidents - Accidents in backseats cause
children

............ ......... ......... ......... . ............ .........
......... ....

"Your future depends on your dreams" - So go to sleep

............ ......... ... ............ ......... ......... .

Cool Hair Style

50 Fun Things to Do During an Exam

If you are going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam:

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
6. Bring cheerleaders.
7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max level.
9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
10. Bring pets.
11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
15. Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..).
23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Screw this!" and walk out triumphantly.
25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink)
26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"
32. Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.
33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
36. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.
37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.
38. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
39. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.
40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
41. One word: Wrestlemania.
42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.
43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
45. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".
50. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx Sucks"

2020 newspaper headline

Can You Guess ?

Guess what this is !!

*

Its a hard disk in 1956....The Volume and Size of 5MB memory storage in 1956.In September 1956 IBM launched the 305 RAMAC, the first computer with a hard disk drive (HDD). The HDD weighed over a ton and stored 5MB of data.

Intelligent Sardar

A Sardar and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from
Los Angeles to New York . The American asks if he would
like to play a fun-game.

The Sardar, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he
politely declines and
rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The American persists and explains that the game is easy
and a lot of fun.

He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know
the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa."

Again, the Sardar declines and tries to get some sleep.

The American, now worked up, says, "Okay, if you don't
know the answer, you pay me $5,
and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500."

This gets the sardar's attention and, figuring there
will be no end to this torment,
agrees to the game.

The American asks the first question, "What's the
distance from the earth to the moon?"

The Sardar doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,
pulls out a $5 bill and
hands it to the American.

"Okay," says the American, "Your turn."

So the Sardar asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs
and comes down with four legs?"

The American thinks about it. No answer.

Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and searches
all his references. No answer!

He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches
the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and
co-workers.

Checks the input. All to no avail!

Finally, a long time later, he wakes the Sardar and
hands him $500.

The Sardar thanks him and turns back to get his sleep.

The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the
Sardar and asks,

"Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the Sardar reaches into his purse, hands
the American $5,

and goes back to sleep!

Thirotharakkaran

kaashavaani thirondaram Aaalappuzha , vaarthakalum mattum vayikkanathu paarassalayolla “chelvan”


Pradhaana vaarthakalu

" Vyaaliyilu takkarum laariyum koottiyidichu anchettu payalukalu chathu. Chathathungale thanthakkum thallakkum onnonnara lacham roova sarkkareennu kittum"

“ Chaalayilu 3 javuli kadakalu thee kathi, mazhakalu thoottiyappam complete kettu”

“ Sekaarttariattinu munnee kvaalam kathicha payalukale poleesu adikalu pattichu, aa area-lolla janam motham vodi thalli”

“ Mun manthiri kocheeshnan uchiyilu thyaangakalu veenu chathu. Manthirimaaru motham thekku vadakku njettalukalu ryaakhappeduthi “

“ Mullaperiyattee vellangalu pongeyaanu…. Chuttuvattatholla janam valla thyaarikalilum kyaari pattellengee pinne olichu poyi mungi poyi ennakke mongandi varum “

“ Naale thottu indhana vyaavarikalu harthaalanu, petroolukalu adikkanollavanellam inniyanne queue ninnu adikkeen “

“ Videsha paryadanathinu poya kyaanthiri manthiri kattabomman urundu veenu kaalulukki, ippam praanchi praanchi nadakkeyaanu”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chesham Vaarthakalu uchakku moonnu moonnarakku… ellavanum veedukalee poveen !

KALLADA VOLVO BOAT SERVICE (BANGALORE-CALICUT)

Kallada started new Volvo Boat Service

A Wonderful GRAVE

The Beautiful Planet.

TAJMAHAL IS MOVING FROM AGRA TO PUNE

Gud News for the PUNE People.

TAJMAHAL IS MOVING FROM AGRA TO PUNE
don't believe ? huh..?
Ok... Scroll down to see the proof
-


--


-------


---------


----


--


-


-
-


--


-------


---------


----


--


-


-


even I am looking for the person who sent it to meee........

Washable Mobile Phones

Jokes

3 Human Wonders

The Millau viaduct is part of the new E11 expressway connecting Paris and Barcelona and features the highest bridge piers ever constructed. The tallest is 240 meters high and the overall height will be an impressive 336 meters, making this the highest bridge in the world.


Parking in Germany !!
First Air Conditioned Bus Station-Dubai!!

Great Quotes

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an
hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S
relativity.

- Albert Einstein



The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working
the moment you get up in the morning and does not
stop until you meet a beautiful girl .

- Uzair Sait



The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's
there to appreciate it.

- Franklin P. Jones



We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain
the success of those we don't like?

- Jean Cocturan



It matters not whether you win or lose; what
matters is whether I win or lose.

- Darrin Weinberg



Life is pleasant.
Death is peaceful.
It's the transition that's troublesome.



Help a man when he is in trouble and he will
remember you when he is
in trouble again.



Complex problems have simple, easy to understand
wrong answers.



It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it
creative problem solving.



Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know
where to shop.



Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again,
neither does milk.



Most people are only alive because it is illegal to
shoot them.



Forgive your enemies but remember their names.



The number of people watching you is directly
proportional to the stupidity of your action.


Dont worry that the world ends today, its already
tomorrow in Australia!

93-year-old newspaper--TITANIC

Behind every successful woman there is a man.....the lesser seen

Visakhapatnam: The wife of a poor pani puri vendor has become a software engineer in Infosys, thanks to her husband's support. Sheik Salar, 26, a street hawker, used every rupee he earned to help his wife Fatima Bibi Sheik, 21, achieve her academic ambitions. And it was not in vain. Fatima completed her course at Gayatri Vidya Parishad College of Engineering with high marks and was given a plum posting by the software giant in a campus selection.

In fact, she is the first student from the college to get into Infosys. Fatima and Salar stay in a slum at Rajendranagar. While Fatima went to college, Salar roamed around the city with a pushcart selling puffed rice, corn, chilli bhajjis and pani puri, earning Rs 150 per day. When she was married off to her distant relation Salar by her parents in 2001, Fatima was just 15 and felt that she would never achieve her dream of being a software engineer.

"I did not want to marry since I wanted to study further and achieve something," she said. She was crestfallen since Salar merely nodded when she told him about her dreams. But his nod meant a lot and he started saving money to help her study. By living frugally, Salar somehow got together Rs 60,000 to pay Fatima's fee for the first and second year of her engineering course.

The Andhra Pradesh State Minorities Finance Corporation helped the couple pay the rest of the fee. "At the time of our marriage I was not sure how serious Fatima was about her studies," said Salar. "But when I realised that she got 536 marks in her SSC exams and stood first in her school, I decided to help her study." The pani puri vendor was adamant that her future should not get spoilt because she married him.

A junior college in the city provided her free intermediate education. She secured a decent rank in the Eamcet exam and opted to join the electronics and electrical engineering branch in college. "We decided not to have kids till she got a good job," said Salar. "For this, I took much criticism from my parents." Fatima's eyes moisten when she talks about her husband. "You can't imagine the hardships he suffered to help me," she said. "In the last six years, he was my strength. He sacrificed all his joys for me."

"Fatima was always first in our class," said Asha Kanthi, her classmate. "We did not know her story then. Now she is our inspiration." Though happy at the turn of events, the couple is a bit sad when thinking about their being apart for three months, when Fatima would go to the Infosys campus in Mysore for training. Have they ever quarrelled? "When we have issues, we sit together and discuss and sort it out," said Fatima. She plans to take her husband along with her when she gets her posting. Salar too is proud, for he has proved that behind every successful woman there is a man.

The greatness of Indian Women.....!!!!!

This is expected from only Indian Ladies

They cannot miss their favorite T.V. Serial even if there is flood, storm, gale or earthquake!!!!

Look at the expression of worry on helpless Husband's face near the door.

Vintage posters of Mohan Lal

Play with words.....

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM


~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~


PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER


~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~




ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER


~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~


DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT


~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~


THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE


~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~


GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE


~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~


THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~


SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME


~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~


ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY


~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~


ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT


~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~


MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER


~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~


SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S


~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~


A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE


~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~


THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE


~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~


AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:


ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

ME AND MY BOSS

When I Take a long time to finish, I am slow,

When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough


When I don't do it, I am lazy,

When my boss does not do it, he is busy,


When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart,

When my boss does the same, he takes the initiative,


When I please my boss, I am apple polishing,

When my boss pleases his boss, he is cooperating,


When I make a mistake, I' am an idiot.

When my boss makes a mistake, he's only human.


When I am out of the office, I am wondering around.

When my boss is out of the office, he's on business.


When I am on a day off sick, I am always sick.

When my boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.


When I apply for leave, I must be going for an interview

When my boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked


When I do good, my boss never remembers,

When I do wrong, he never forgets


***************

Chilling true story

True Horror, which took place last month.............
This happened about a month ago near Lonavala.

A guy was driving
from Mumbai to Pune and decided not to take the new expressway as he
want to see the scenery.

The inevitable happens and when he reaches the
ghats his Car breaks down - he's stranded miles from nowhere.

Having no choice he Starts walking on the side of the road, hoping to get a lift to
the Nearest town. It's dark and raining.

And pretty soon he's wet and
Shivering. The night rolls on and no car goes by, the rain is so
heavy he Can hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly he sees a car coming towards him. It slows and then stops
next to him - without thinking the guy opens the door and jumps in.

Seated
in the back, he leans forward to thank the person who had saved him.
- when he realizes there is nobody behind the wheel!!!

Even though there's no one in the front seat and no sound of any
engine, the car starts moving slowly. The guy looks at the road ahead and sees
a curve coming.

Scared almost to death he starts to pray, begging the Lord
for his life

He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a
hand appears through the window and moves the wheel!

The car makes the
curve safely and continues on the road to the next bend. The guy, now
paralyzed in terror, watches how the hand appears every time they are before a
curve and moves the steering wheel just enough to get the car around each
bend. Finally, the guy sees lights ahead. Gathering his courage he
wrenches
open the door of the silent, slowly moving car, scrambles out and runs as
hard as
he can towards the lights. It's a small town.
He stumbles into a dhaba, and asks for a drink, and breaks down.
Then he starts talking about the horrible experience he's just been through.
There is dead silence in the dhaba when he stops talking ..... . . .
.

......
.........
...............
THEN

..and that's when Santa and Banta Singh walk into the dhaba. Santa
points and says "Look Banta - that's the weird guy who got into our car
when we were pushing it

--


Have fun and a Nice day!

Always
Keep
Smiling! :-)

Secret behind Rajini's colour

If you have watched Sivaji ..You have observed the fair complexion of Raji nikanth in the song Oru koodai Sunlight.Everyone thought it was make-up that made Superstar Rajinikanth look like a European in that song, but the secret is about a year of computer graphics.
"We used cutting edge grafting technology and it was Shankar' s brain child," revealed the film's cinematographer KV Anand. "For the first time grafting technology has been used for an Indian film which was made possible by a Chennai based company Indian Arts who had worked in Shankar's earlier films," he said. One of the dancers, Jacky , was chosen by Shankar and Rajini's skin tone was matched with her's. The six and a half minute song was shot i n Spain .


"Each shot of Rajni's in the song was once again shot with Jacky and was sent to Indian Arts. Since the lighting varies in indoor and outdoor, to match the skin tone, expressions, lip and body movements of the two was a challenging task," explained Anand. A total of 6700 frames were been for post production. Rajinikanth himself was amazed after watching the song.

The date.....

One night a guy dropped his girlfriend at her home.

As they were about to wish each other goodnight at the front door, the guy started feeling a little in the mood.

With an air of confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall and smiling, he said to her "Honey , would you give me a kiss?"

Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asked grinning at her.

"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"

" Oh come on!

There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!".

"No way , it's just too risky!"

"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?".

"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!".

"Oh yes you can. Please?"

"No, no. I just can't" "I'm begging you ... "

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and

The girl's elder sister showed up in her pajamas, hair dishevelled, And in a sleepy voice she said,

"Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss, or I can do it. Or if need Be, mom says she can come down herself and do it, but for God's sake and all of ours....

TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE DOOR BELL ........

WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A South Indian GIRL as WIFE

1.Her mother looks down at you because you didn't study in IIT or Madras / Anna University .

2. Her father starts or ends every conversation with " ... I say..."

3. She shudders if you use four letter words.

4. She has long hair, neatly oiled and braided (The Dubai based Oil Well Company will negotiate with her on a 25 year contract to extract coconut oil from her hair.)

5. She uses the word 'Super' as her only superlative.

6. Her name is another name for a Goddess or a flower.

7. Her first name is longer than your first name, middle name and surname combined (unless you are from Andhra)

8. When she mixes milk/curd and rice you are never sure whether it is for the dog or for herself.

9. For weddings, she sports a mini jasmine garden on her head and wears silk saris in the Madras heat without looking too uncomfortable while you are melting in your singlet.

10. Her favourite cricketer is Krishnamachari Srikkanth.

11. Her favourite food is dosa though she has tried North Indian snacks like Chats (pronounced like the slang for 'conversation')

12. She bores you by telling you which raaga each song you hear is based on.

13. You have to give her jewellery, though she has already got plenty of it ..

14. Her Mangal Sutra weighs more than the championship belts worn by WWF wrestlers.

15. Her father thinks she is much smarter than you.

WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A North Indian GIRL as WIFE

1. At the time of marriage, a north Indian girl has more boyfriends than her age.

2. Before marriage, she looks almost like a bollywood heroine and after marriage you have to go around her twice to completely hug her.

3. By the time she professes her undevoted love to you, you are bankrupt because of the number of times you had to take her out to movies, theatres and restaurants. And you wait longingly for her dowry.

4. The only dishes she can think of to cook is paneer butter masala, aloo sabji, aloo gobi sabji, aloo matar, aloo paneer, that after eating all those paneer and aloos you are either in the bed with chronic cholestrol or chronic gas disorder.

5. The only growth that you see later in your career is the rise in your monthly phone bill.

6. You are blinded by her love that you think that she is a blonde. Only later do you come to know that it is because of the mehandhi that she applies to cover her grey hair.

7. When you come home from office she is very busy watching "Kyonki saas bhi kabi bahu thi" that you either end up eating outside or cooking yourself.

8. You are a very "ESpecial" person to her.

9. She always thought that Madras is a state and covers the whole of south india until she met you.

10. When she says she is going to "work out" she means she is going to " walk out"

11. She has greater number of relatives than the number of people you have in your home town.

12. The only two sentences in English that she knows are "Thank you" and "How are youT"

An excellent response by a true Sardaar:

An excellent response by a true Sardaar:

Well, jayant , my friend, told me the following

incident which i wish to share with you. It has had a

deep impact on my thinking. In the diwali vacation,

Jayant and his couple of friends had gone to delhi .

They rented a taxi for local sight-seeing. The driver

was a old sardar, and boys being boys, Jayant and his

pals began cracking sardarji jokes, just to insinuate

the old man. But to their surprise, the fellow

remained unperturbed. At the end of the sight-seeing,

they paid up the hire-charges. The sardar returned the

change. Moreover, he gave each one of them one rupee

extra and said,( in Hindi , of ourse) ,''son, since

morning you have been telling sardarji jokes. I

listened to them all and let me tell you, some of

them were in a very bad taste. Still, I don't mind coz

I know that you are young blood and are yet to see

the world. But I have just one request. Here I am

giving you one rupee each. Give it to the first sardar

beggar that you come across in this city."

Jayant continued," That one rupee coin is still with

me. I couldn't find a single sardar begging on the

streets of Delhi ." Friends, we all love sardar jokes.

But the fact of matter is that sikhs are one of the

mostprosperous and diversified communities in the

world.

The secret behind their universal success, according

to me , is their willingness to do any job with utmost

dedication. A sardar will drive a truck or set up a

roadside garage or a dhaba, but he will never beg on

the streets.

Are we just going to pass on long forwarded mails of

sardar jokes, or are we going to try and bring our own

community on par with theirs ??

Chanakya's Quotes - Worth Learning

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

"A person should not be too honest.
Straight trees are cut first
and Honest people are screwed first."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC 75 BC)

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

"Even if a snake is not poisonous,
it should pretend to be venomous."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

"The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody. If you cannot keep secret with you , do not expect that other will keep it. ! It will destroy you."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

"There is some self-interest behind every friendship.
There is no Friendship without self-interests.
This is a bitter truth."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

"Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when you think deeply
and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

"As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***


"Once you start a working on something,
don't be afraid of failure and
don't abandon it.
People who work sincerely are the happiest."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275BC)

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

"The fragrance of flowers spreads
only in the direction of the wind.
But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275BC)

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

"A man is great by deeds, not by birth."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275BC)

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

"Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years.
For the next five years, scold them.
By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend.
Your grown up children are your best friends."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275BC)

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

"Education is the best friend.
An educated person is respected everywhere.

Education beats the beauty and the youth."

Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275BC)

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

Wrooooooooooom Wroooooooooooooooooooooom

So let me get started Straight away